Because this is my first #runningtrip in English, I want to first explain what this is about: in 2021 I want to discover different places in Denmark (but not only) where I plan to do a run of minimum 10 k. It takes a bit over one hour of running, while I observe my mind and generally it connects with one theme of reflection. Then I allow the run to give me its lessons about the theme. For this February running trip I had as a theme the idea of a family with small kids.
My hosts were my godson’s parents, who live in a beautiful, cozy, chill danish village named Thyregod. Like in other danish villages, there are small houses with big windows which are ideally lit by a candle (or more).
Allow me to introduce the most inspiring member of the family of 5: Lucas. He is my godson and the younger member of the family, being just 10 months old. Lucas is the youngest twin and his older brother is more agile. But even if he started to crawl later, Lucas is great at pushing his limits.
A day before starting my run I had a lesson around: don’t let anything stop you, and when the situation is against you (Lucas has slight movement issues) just work harder. Next day, when my run was planned, I had to feel how “do what you’ve planned when the circumstances are against you” works – that’s because there were -16 degrees outside. Of course, due to the care my friends have for me they didn’t really agree with my “crazy idea” to go for the run. But I looked around and I realized that when you have a family, or you want one, you keep in track with the plan you have, despite the circumstances.
No, when you can barely breathe outside because of the cold, you’re not really in the mood to run. But when life gives you two kids in the second pregnancy you don’t abandon one just because life turned differently than you expected. My plan was to run, even if I didn’t expect those temperatures. So, I went running.
I knew the places, so even if I planned this trip as a #runningtrip it didn’t have the novelty element as the others, because it was not the first time when I ran there. The village is small and the houses seem to look a lot like each other, so routine appeared fast in my mind. I barely had 3 k when I finished all the area which seemed to be interesting in the beginning (big disappointment) – and that is what every day of a family with a small kid looks like. You don’t have time to properly wake up and the boring routine is there already, so it becomes your own responsibility as an adult to create fun memories for you but also for your kids. You can’t let the boredom of a tiring routine around a baby (two in this case) to put you down.
You know you have to spend 30-40 minutes around the little guy again trying to convince him to eat, despite his refusals. That is no fun at all, nothing to discover in your angel while he is just way too young to even understand why food is important. Many times as a parent you turn back to the same daily activities and you have to just continue going further – so I run further to see which other insights my run can give me, on the boring streets of Thyregod.
Being a parent is a beautiful mix between routine and surprise, so even if you know how each day is going, you never know how the day will unfold. You always need to improvise something and many times you find yourself lost. The most common issue is the changes of the baby’s preferences. Until yesterday he loved apples, now he refuses them. He used to fall asleep easily, now he’s just constantly crying. A baby is much more active than he seems, but he can’t really be independent so he needs a lot of attention. Have I already told you that my friends have two of them? – that is a challenging life.
During my run I ended up on the field without any path. I found myself lost in my own moments of being aware of my mind - As a parent, do you remember times before being a parent and how you imagined yourself in this role? Life is surprising, huh?
Keeping my #runningtrip superhero in my mind, I continued running on the plowed field (try it, it gives you the feeling of being super-powerful).
During the whole run I had a battle inside between knowing where I am and feeling lost - and it reflected again in the evening when I choose to do the homework with the older sister of my super-hero. Initially I thought “What can be so complicated in doing homework with a kid aged 7?” but then the reality hit me: the homework by itself was not that challenging, but taking it from Danish (language school) and translating it in English (her main language – her parents have different nationalities) while all my grammar is structured in Romanian (my native language) required me a lot of energy. Of course, I had the energy but it is really hard for her parents with other two babies to find it. So never judge the fatigue of a parent. And never underestimate the effort a kid and a parent put into homework – especially the kid, because at least the parent has some structures which can be helpful, but the kid is just developing them.
That is what running on the very beautiful plowed field covered with shiny snow has taught me. My pace increased with almost one minute, and my body was very close to the extreme mood – and there were 8 more k waiting for me to run. The babies are so young and yet, the parents find themselves so drained of energy already…but there are at least other 20 years waiting for them to go…
While running I listen to music. Music is an important part of my life per total, so of course I take it with me while running. Because I started running as a coping mechanism, it was important to me in the beginning to give myself a sense of comfort – so music was there since my first k. I also have music with me in the forest where sometimes I just take out the headphones, but I still keep it playing in the background – so music is still there, giving me a vibe, a rhythm, sometimes an inspiration for the run. Because it is so important to me to have music with me, I always check my headphones – and I did so before I left home for this trip. The issue is that one day before the run, I forgot my headphones turned on and connected to my computer, so they were just using energy for nothing. I realized that in my first hundred meters, but it was already too late – so I just hoped that the last 20% battery would be surprisingly lasting. It wasn’t.
The 6th k was the moment when my headphones stopped working. As if was not enough my watch notified me that it was running out of energy as well – that’s how badly you forget about yourself as a parent: you start to slowly neglect your devices, then your routines, then your self-care, then your own desires and basic emotional needs and you end up in a very dark part of yourself while your kids needs you the most: so if you are a parent and you read this, ask your partner for a deal: each of you is offering the other one a few hours (at least) per week for himself – you both need this. And if you are a single parent – check with your family and friends. Taking care of yourself is not narcissistic and is not making you a bad mom or a bad dad, but an example for your kid about how to take care of themselves. So, mom/dad take that hot bath as soon as possible, and let the quilt outside the bathroom – give yourself a moment, you deserve it. <3 (after this, offer the same moment to your partner.)
I still had 3.5 k mandatory to run for this #runningtrip and there was nothing to entertain my mind anymore: no music, no great view and I already had the feeling of running in circles on the same streets (which I did, actually). Even my thoughts were repetitive – as family life is most of the time. And I start to remember that in this type of situations where I find myself in very uncomfortable moments just because I didn’t pay enough attention to some details I used to react with anger. But anger was exactly what I didn’t need in those conditions, because anger consumes a lot of energy and my body was already under pressure due to the weather conditions. And I knew that a long day was coming – for the young guys waiting at home it was not relevant if I could manage my anger well or not. The feelings I allow to be inside and around me is what they get.
Anger management is a key to happiness in a family, especially around kids. Reacting with anger to a childish behavior is very destructive for a parent-child relationship. And children are actually the reason we name it “childish behavior”. Education should not be about stopping a child from being childish, but about guiding him with care and love towards adulthood.
During the process of growing up our children have a lot of challenges and there is not a proper way to be a parent, there is not a general recipe for “How to behave step by step around our children” because they are so different and so unique – as we are. Lucas – the hero of my trip – has a twin brother. But they already have such different personalities – so don’t compare your children with anyone else’s. If twins are so different despite their shared genetics, how could other children behave the same? There is no perfection in the process of growing up, but for a beautiful process of growing up kindness, compassion and love are mandatory. If we, as adults despite our role as parents, educators, neighbors, god parents – can be able to increase the amount of love, compassion and kindness around our children, they become in better adults than we are. And a good master of life is teaches his disciples to become better than himself.
If we allow Love to fill the space that the Fear for the future of our children has created in our hearts, they will finish the run of growing up in inner peace and alignment – that’s what my #runningtrip taught me when I reached 10 k in front of the house. It was a perfect timing, and all that because I trusted the process of running more than the fears which appeared with each challenge of my February #runningtrip.
P.S: This #runningtrip article is written in English as a act of gratitude I have towards my friend, the mother of Lucas which is not a Romanian speaker. Your work is amazing <3
